I want to write this blog tonight. I want to write it so badly. I’m typing in hopes of some epiphany or for my writers block to lift and I’ll be able to write about the things I really want to. There are many things I want to write about and talk to people about. Whether it’s the weather, family, friends, if the world is really round, what if we were dreaming the lives we’re living now. There are SO many things that go through my mind in a day and I just want to talk to people about everything.
There’s one thing in particular; something very heavy on my mind and in my heart tonight. And because I know that no one is going to ever fully understand what I’m saying, they’re never going to feel what I’m feeling right now, they’ll never know what it’s like to say goodbye to someone who changed my life forever. Maybe they’ll experience them in different forms with different people. But not many will experience letting go of a person like this. Because there’s only one of them. There will never be another one of them. This person captivated my heart and soul and flipped my entire world upside down. They completely changed my view of the world; they made me really tap into what happens in our lives every single day. I’m talking right down the the clicking of the keyboard and trying to find a rhythm. Or the sound of the washing machine whirring, and what a strange sound it is when you really stop and listen. The animals of the night beginning to stir. The cars that go by. The sound of my babies sleeping soundly. I have been programmed to go through each day and just get through it. Well not anymore. Not after them.
It was a cold, dreary day in early March. I had only been at my job about a month or so. I knew I liked everyone, but otherwise had no idea what I was doing. What I did know, is that my life outside of work was a hurricane. Work was my safe zone. Work was where I knew I’d be too busy to think about it or talk about it. No one at my new job knew anything about what was going on in my life and to me, it felt like freedom. But this particular day; I woke up sad, angry, confused, and battling with myself about how I was handling the situation, how I was handling my life. I broke down and just didn’t have the energy to fight myself or anyone else anymore. I gave in. And when I gave in, threw in the towel, accepted defeat; I cried. I cried and I cried, All at this new job. This new job I valued, around the people I was trying to get to know. No one really said much. No one really knew me. So I walked around the building. I walked through the different practices until I went down one particular hallway. I walked down this hallway with tears pouring down my face, unable to catch my breath. Really unable to do anything but cry. As I was walking I heard a chair roll and out came this person; this person I had seen around and laughed with a couple of times, but not someone I knew anything about. He stopped me when he said “Bree! Come in, I think I have something that will help”. So I walked into his tiny closet of an office, still blubbering like a fool, wondering what he could possibly have to make this better. He reached into a drawer and in a thick Irish accent said “would you like a mint?” and I paused. My response through the sobs was “a mint?!” and he responded “oh yes, you can talk about anything over a mint. And a mint just makes you feel better anyway.” I was intrigued instantly. I’m not sure if it was his demeanor, his confidence, his obvious empathy, or his totally awesome accent. probably a bit of all of those things. He began walking with me and he began to tell me:
“I don’t know what’s going on, and you don’t have to tell me. But I will say that whatever it is, if your heart is open and kind, you can walk away with you’re head held high knowing you’re a good person because love and kindness always win.”
I put the mint in my mouth; I looked at him for a moment and I just remember feeling overwhelmed by the way he said it. Something so simple, yet so profound. I suddenly felt a light. I felt the darkness leave. I felt like a good person. In that moment I could reflect and know I am kind, I am loving, my soul is good. It was amazing how in just a few moments, this person went from a complete stranger, to someone who changed my entire perspective on how I viewed my life.
Time went on and I really took to him and his colleague. I felt like one of them; A group of happy, honest, pure, good people. Days turned to weeks and weeks to months. I love these people. They pulled me through every single day without even knowing it. By telling me stories of 1970’s Ireland, making me laugh until my belly hurt, constant joy and happiness came from them. We felt like a trio. Never in my life have I trusted anyone as much as I did these two and I’d only known them a handful of months.
Through this time, this person reminded me, on days that felt a bit tainted in particular. Days that everyone seemed to be in a funk. He always said “Bree, you ARE the light in the dark places.” A saying I will never, ever forget.
I could go on and on and on about the stories, and the jokes, and the silliness. But what I’m saying is please remember to cherish the time you have with people. Never take a single day for granted. Especially if they make you feel as special as I did. I never thought a day would come that would remove a piece of our tribe. I really just never imagined the universe separating us after it had just brought us together. But alas, that day came. That day was today. I watched a person who literally saved and changed my life walk out the door. Not without leaving a note, a CD, and a “very Merry Christmas” though. No no, I’m kidding. I mean kind of, that’s actually what he said but he also bid me farewell. We spoke of making sure neither of us were ever to lose our “muchness” that we’ll only grow “much more muchier” as time goes on. Our time together was brief, but it was profound.
Long story short; when someone steps into your life and reminds you of what life and the world and everything around it, is truly about. And that’s Love. There is no other thing even remotely close to being as important as Love. Carry those people with you always. Listen to everything they have to say, because it may not seem like it, but it does end. Like all good things, it ends. Because it has to. These special people come into our lives when we need them. But that doesn’t always mean they’re here to stay. So listen, cherish, love. You never know when you’ll be sitting on your couch writing about them.
There’s certainly a void tonight. A void I know can never be filled. A void only time can help minimize the size of.
Go out in the world and “bring light into the dark places”, be kind, be giving, be real, be Love.