I’m simply writing to write; Organize my thoughts in a fashion that probably won’t make any sense to anyone else, but the goal is to outwardly express the inner peace within my soul I’ve been longing for.
I have to remind myself in these times how much love surrounds me; how much happiness there is in the world, despite how terrible it can be. I need to relish in the fact that not all is lost amongst the turmoil that seems to encompass my life. It’s important for me to remind myself that “Bree” is still there. Her heart is still pure, she’s forgiven herself and others, her love is real, her wish for well being for others hasn’t diminished even slightly.
I’ve made mistakes, people have hurt me, the world has broken my heart. I’ve spent far too many days feeling just that; broken.
It’s not until we find a serene place to center ourselves, find people who care about us and share the same goals and love for the same things, find where we feel who we truly are. Whether it’s a quiet room alone, a yoga studio, or dinner with a friend who makes you laugh until your belly hurts, so much so that it reminds you that you’re still human. You CAN feel, even after numbing yourself for so long.
I’m usually a very factual person; I want to know why, when, how, what. It’s not until recently that I’ve learned there’s no rhyme or reason to everything. Some things, sure. But EVERYTHING, Bree? Come on.
I have opened my heart and begun to listen. Not just to people, music, books, or television. Although I do enjoy those things very much. I’ve begun to turn in. Not in the sense of shutting down but truly listening. Listening to my soul, my yoga instructors, my friends, my family, the universe.
Not everything makes sense. And only now am I beginning to realize it’s because things just don’t need to have a reason to be wonderful, horrible, or completely neutral. Some things just are. I have always despised the phrase “everything happens for a reason” but as I become aware of my own being, my own soul, my own person as a whole; that they truly do.
I was dealt the hand I was because someone or something believed I could handle it. That I’m strong enough to make it. At times I have wished whatever power, angel, god, I really don’t know, didn’t have so much faith in me. It wasn’t until I was finally quiet that I realized I’m not a victim. I’m not weak. I’m not incapable of handling trials and tribulations that seem to be flying at me like gunfire. Am I sensitive, scared, and overwhelmed? You bet I am.
I just have to trust that I’m here for a reason, that my life has been turned upside down right now to help me truly value when it’s back on its axis spinning in it’s effortless balance.
Nothing is permanent; we are forever changing, and so are the people, environments, and powers that make up our lives. It so difficult to realize when we’re in the throes of what seems entirely impossible to handle. But we always make it. And if we don’t, isn’t it worth knowing we have challenged it with love, grace, and peace and with everything we have without faltering from our true selves? The self that can’t be defined by someone else’s actions. Though the saying isn’t nearly as whimsical and sweet as I’d like, I’m coming up short as far as another; but rolling with the punches is our only choice.
The most important piece to remember is we don’t have to do it alone. No matter what, there’s always a power, a person, or even our very own souls that want to see us soar and live the life we so deeply deserve.
Be kind and gentle with yourself. You owe it to yourself and the people who love and need you. Always remember to gently release what no longer serves and nourishes your heart and soul. You deserve great things, we all do. Above all, we deserve self love. ❤️